You Can't Give to Someone What You Don't Have Yourself
madeincosmos.substack.com
This isn’t my proudest parenting moment. I almost lost it at the playground today. I took a sick kid out to catch some crisp January air, and then tried to go grocery shopping so that we could finally restock our pantry. After a few days of hardly leaving the house we really needed to buy more food. As it turned out, my daughter preferred to stay at the playground instead.
I had a similar realization when I was talking to a relative about something hard at work that was taking a lot of my time, and they told me kindly to "do my best". The problem is, my "best" has historically been giving it my all, in sprint fashion - no sleep, no healthy food, no yoga. It's taken a lot over the years to reframe my thinking. First I realized I was going to burn out if I kept going like that (thus my "all" wouldn't be much), but then I realized even that wasn't great. Why was I valuing myself for my productivity? Why couldn't I give myself sleep, healthy food, and yoga just because I like it? Why don't I feel like I deserve that?
Love this!
I had a similar realization when I was talking to a relative about something hard at work that was taking a lot of my time, and they told me kindly to "do my best". The problem is, my "best" has historically been giving it my all, in sprint fashion - no sleep, no healthy food, no yoga. It's taken a lot over the years to reframe my thinking. First I realized I was going to burn out if I kept going like that (thus my "all" wouldn't be much), but then I realized even that wasn't great. Why was I valuing myself for my productivity? Why couldn't I give myself sleep, healthy food, and yoga just because I like it? Why don't I feel like I deserve that?