To Hell With Ambition

I used to be an intellectual like you. But then I brought a baby to my home.

I haven’t seen much productivity advice for working moms. Most of the gurus in this space seem to be childless men. I’d rather hear from someone who understands that “blocking out all distractions” is often not an option, and neither is deep focus every day or having a morning routine.

This doesn’t mean you can’t get anything done when you have kids. I’m creating, doing, and learning incredible things every day. We just hosted a 10-person dinner for the first time ever, and it was the smoothest and least stressful party we’ve ever organized. My house functions better and better and is increasingly a source of delight. I’m taking better care of my body than I ever did in my life.

Until very recently I’ve always neglected these things. I preferred to spend my time in computers and books. Unfortunately, working in computers and books with a sick toddler in your lap is almost impossible, exhausting, and deeply miserable for everyone involved. These days all I care about when we’re sick is that there is food, clean clothes, and the dishwasher gets reloaded. I’m still more tired on a day like this than I ever was after 8 hours at work.

I’ve always lived in a world of ideas. Taking care of mere things doesn’t come easily to me. But you can’t spend too much time in the world of ideas when the physical world climbs in your lap, cries in your ear, or starts pulling your shoulder every 5 seconds. Suddenly, you have no choice but to pay attention.

I’m sure there are mothers who thrive in the intellectual world. This one wrote an incredible essay just 10 days after giving birth. But every mom I meet in person is saying the same thing: I don’t ever want to work after 4pm again. I don’t ever want to work with a sick kid. If this means the end of ambition, to hell with ambition. I’d much rather keep myself and my family happy and sane.

Every little thing in our home creates my daughter’s reality. Whatever we do every day is becoming her idea of normal. How can I make sure that her baseline of normal is nourishing, empowering and wholesome? What could possibly be more important than figuring this out?

Perhaps in another year or two I’ll want to come back to the world of ideas. Perhaps I’ll have it all figured out so well that my home will run on autopilot. But right now, all I want to do is to nurture the people, spaces, animals and relationships around me so that they can all blossom and flourish. I can’t believe it took me this long to discover what an important and beautiful job it is.