great stuff! I feel like I'm in your camp! I'm currently really striving to BUILD a thing, but the grandmother in me wants to tidy everything neatly first. I can't help but follow, and hope that it will lead me where I need to be. thank you for sharing!
There is a time for tidying and there is a time for making a mess. Sometimes tidying can free up some space for new things to organically emerge. All the best luck with your projects!
"If you put the same amount of thought and effort into keeping things running smoothly, people will wonder if you’ve actually done anything at all."
This line really cuts to the chase on the common complaint women have about men not understanding the invisible burden women carry about running a household.
It's not just about running a household, adding new features to an app is much more likely to give you a raise or promotion than fixing the bugs in it.
Thanks for sharing! It's really helpful to hear that even in years-long relationships, there are still moments where it feels like each person is speaking a different language!
The conclusion that both sides have good points echoes what I've seen described recently as the "And Stance" (https://kzhai.substack.com/p/090-always-avoid-binary-thinking), and the complementary dynamic reminds me of this concept of "matched opposites" – basically adding a bit more nuance to "opposites attract".
I have so many thoughts about the comic you've shared that it probably deserves an entire post, but for now I'll just say that until very recently my husband was our primary household manager because I had no experience running a household and was always too overwhelmed with work to think about anything else. I still have a lot to learn (especially when it comes to managing the fridge and pantry) but in general our whole family is much happier now that it's my responsibility. The comic seems to advocate not just for splitting management tasks equally, but also for both people sharing the exact same vision of what exactly needs to be done and caring equally about all of these things. I don't see how this could work in our marriage because each of us is talented at different things and has different priorities and instead of trying to find some consensus in the middle we're much better off when each of us is just doing their own thing. I can certainly see how this could be a problem though when both people have full time jobs but only one of them seems to do anything at home at all, but I'm still not sure if the proposed solution is the best way out of this.
great stuff! I feel like I'm in your camp! I'm currently really striving to BUILD a thing, but the grandmother in me wants to tidy everything neatly first. I can't help but follow, and hope that it will lead me where I need to be. thank you for sharing!
There is a time for tidying and there is a time for making a mess. Sometimes tidying can free up some space for new things to organically emerge. All the best luck with your projects!
"If you put the same amount of thought and effort into keeping things running smoothly, people will wonder if you’ve actually done anything at all."
This line really cuts to the chase on the common complaint women have about men not understanding the invisible burden women carry about running a household.
It's not just about running a household, adding new features to an app is much more likely to give you a raise or promotion than fixing the bugs in it.
so true!
Thanks for sharing! It's really helpful to hear that even in years-long relationships, there are still moments where it feels like each person is speaking a different language!
The conclusion that both sides have good points echoes what I've seen described recently as the "And Stance" (https://kzhai.substack.com/p/090-always-avoid-binary-thinking), and the complementary dynamic reminds me of this concept of "matched opposites" – basically adding a bit more nuance to "opposites attract".
Also, the unsung importance of maintenance work reminds me of this comic called "You Should've Asked": https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
I have so many thoughts about the comic you've shared that it probably deserves an entire post, but for now I'll just say that until very recently my husband was our primary household manager because I had no experience running a household and was always too overwhelmed with work to think about anything else. I still have a lot to learn (especially when it comes to managing the fridge and pantry) but in general our whole family is much happier now that it's my responsibility. The comic seems to advocate not just for splitting management tasks equally, but also for both people sharing the exact same vision of what exactly needs to be done and caring equally about all of these things. I don't see how this could work in our marriage because each of us is talented at different things and has different priorities and instead of trying to find some consensus in the middle we're much better off when each of us is just doing their own thing. I can certainly see how this could be a problem though when both people have full time jobs but only one of them seems to do anything at home at all, but I'm still not sure if the proposed solution is the best way out of this.