Age Segregation Has to Stop

Before I had my daughter, I hardly knew any children. There was just no occasion to ever meet any. I mostly hung out with my friends from college - all of them childless at that time - or my coworkers, who never brought their kids to work or our company parties. If it wasn’t for the cousins I met at family weddings and funerals, and some of my husband’s friends’ kids, I wouldn’t ever talk to any children at all.

Now my whole life revolves around children, kids’ spaces, and playgrounds. But I recently realized I don’t know any teenagers now. The only teenagers I spoke to for at least a couple years were some of my husband’s mom’s students. I see them walking the same streets, but we might as well live on completely different planets.

How are people supposed to know if they want children if they never actually interact with any? How are people supposed to know what to do with a baby if they never held one in their arms? Before my mom had me and the rest of us, she spent a few years babysitting her nephews and nieces. Before I had my daughter, the previous time I took care of a baby was 20 years earlier. No wonder I felt so confused and clueless!

Even children themselves are segregated by age at their schools. For my whole education, people two grades above me seemed ancient. I had younger brothers and so I’ve met some of their friends, but I rarely had a chance to talk to people a few years older than me. What could I possibly offer them anyway?

But it isn’t just children who are separated from the rest of society. It gets even worse with the elders. The only people over 60 I regularly interact with are those in my immediate family. I can’t remember the last time I spoke to any other senior for more than 5 minutes.

Until you or your siblings have children, you can go for your whole adult life without meeting any. Most children don’t know any adults besides their teachers and closest family. And neither group has anything to do with seniors, who seem to live in their own world between the doctor’s waiting room, church, and the farmer’s market.

Is there anyone who benefits from this age segregation? Young adults are afraid to have children, because they can’t possibly imagine adding some to the life they currently have. New parents are isolated from most of their previous friends, as their paths suddenly never cross again unless they too have kids of their own. Children compete within their age group at schools, never having a chance to either mentor someone or have an older mentor themselves. Teenagers have no idea what to do with their lives, because they don’t know anyone who isn’t a teacher or their parent. And everyone is afraid of growing old because they think that the moment they stop going to the office they’ll simply disappear.

What would it take to integrate children and elders back into the society? Is there something both kids and elders could do together with everyone else? Some of my friends say their retirement plan is simply to never retire, and I don’t know if they’ve ever spoken to anyone over 80. At this age just buying your own groceries and cooking your own lunch can often be too much of a challenge. Many require 24/7 nursing care.

But between this and regular full-time employment, maybe there are some other ways how both children and elders can be useful. Could teenagers apprentice with people doing their regular jobs? Could seniors organize musical and cultural events? Could school be a place where you meet all sorts of people who can show you what their work is about so that you can get a taste of it and see if you like it?

Well, there’s only one way to find out. We can never know without trying.