Why Is Everyone Afraid of Growing Old?

“Auntie, you’re so beautiful! You look like a princess!”. On my wedding day, little girls from our family followed me everywhere, fascinated by my starry dress. I thanked them profusely, but on the inside I thought “Auntie? Do you really have to call me like that? I’m way too young to be someone’s «auntie»!”.

I was almost 31 at that time.

Now that I have my own kid, my resistance to be called an “auntie” looks funny in retrospect. But I’m seeing the same resistance in my brother and his fiancée, or in some of my childless friends when they interact with other people’s kids. The words aunt and uncle make them feel awkward and uncomfortable. All these people are in their late 20s or early 30s.

What’s wrong with someone calling you an “auntie”?

When you’re a teenager, aunts and uncles seem kinda weird at their best and creepy at worst. They either don’t understand or care about the things that are important to you, or they’re trying way too hard, which feels unnatural and cringe. Aunts and uncles just can’t keep up with what’s cool these days, for various reasons. Even if they do everything to stay on top of the latest trends, they’re going to get it all wrong.

If you flinch at being called an aunt or an uncle, it’s possible that you’d still rather identify with that effortlessly cool teenager than with someone too old to be cool - even when you’re old enough to have your own teenage kids. Popular culture is young people’s culture. You will become irrelevant if you don’t keep up.

Have you noticed what people usually say about age?

“Age is just a number”. “30 is the new 20”. “You’re only as old as you’re acting and feeling like”. “I am 50 years young”. It’s supposed to be heartwarming, until you realize the underlying message is that looking, feeling and acting young is the only desirable state. Being old is cringe and gross, but don’t worry! You can still fool everyone (and yourself) into thinking you’re 10 years younger than you actually are. Just buy this leather jacket and anti-wrinkle cream.

One problem people might have with acting 60 or 70 is that there aren’t many good role models of how that’s supposed to look like. When every 70-year-old you know has their whole life revolving around small-town gossip and doctor’s visits, it’s only understandable not to want this. Growing old is synonymous with giving up, because that’s what many old people actually do - still believing that they need to look and act young to live a good life, but finding themselves unable to do so.

What alternatives do we have?

What would it mean to look and act like a 70-years-old that is neither trying to keep up with all the things young people do, nor shrinking their whole life to the list of their medical maladies? What are the good things that only come with growing older? Are there things you can only do, understand, or embody in your 60s or 70s that wouldn’t be possible to achieve in earlier years?

My dad used to say his college years were the best time of his life. He doesn’t say that anymore - hopefully because he found a way to make his 60s even more satisfying. I often wonder, what would it take for me to confidently say that every decade of my life is more fulfilling and richer than the previous one, all the way until my 70s at least?

I don’t have a good answer to this yet, but luckily I still have a few decades to find out.