Who Would Want to Die for Their Country?

I always feel uneasy visiting Warsaw Old Town. There’s a ghost of a kid that keeps haunting me. In front of the city walls stands the Little Insurectionist, monument of all the child soldiers who fought and died in the Warsaw Uprising. Nobody knows how many of them were in total, but 49 of them landed in just one concentration camp.

Warsaw Uprising is one of the most controversial topics here in Poland. Some people see it as the most virtuous act of heroism. Others as the most senseless suicidal mission that ended in complete destruction of the whole city and more civilian deaths than Hiroshima and Nagasaki combined. Both sides agree it was extremely tragic.

Especially since my daughter was born, thinking about the child soldiers of Warsaw makes me feel physically sick. And it’s hard not to think about them living here. There are two mass murder sites from that time on our way home from the daycare. In the city center every single house and street corner witnessed unspeakable tragedy.

Russian invasion of Ukraine forced me to confront these feelings now. If this happened here, would I stay to fight for our freedom? Polish people have a long history of heroically dying for our homeland, but we hardly seem to know how we could possibly live for it. And I’d definitely rather speak Russian or German with my daughter for the rest of our lives than have her put on a giant helmet, grab a rifle, and go fight for our country while she’s still this tiny. I know many mothers weren’t lucky enough to be given this choice.

And yet, if Warsaw Uprising was just senseless bloodshed, what about Mariupol? I’m writing this in a safe and cozy coffee shop in Warsaw Old Town. How could I possibly imagine what the citizens of Warsaw felt after 5 years of devastating war, terror and hunger? How could I possibly judge their decision?

Right next to me there’s a family from Ukraine, their kid hardly older than mine. I sense there’s a lot we can learn from our Ukrainian friends about Polish complicated past. Even those who don’t want to talk about war at all have a lot to teach us through the way that they live.

But it’s not just Poland that was devastated by war in the past. All around the world, little children died in war along with their parents and grandparents. Between heroically dying for freedom and giving up on your values in order to survive, could there possibly be a third, wiser option? The little soldier in Warsaw Old Town told me I should come and visit him more often. Perhaps together we can figure it out.