Things Will Never Settle Down a Bit

Raising a baby is so much easier the second time around. Or maybe my sweet little baby boy is just exceptionally chill. Either way, despite having another kid to be taken care of, who wants to pour all her love on her baby brother in intense and potentially dangerous ways, I’m still somehow happier, more productive, and better organized than when it was just us and her. She was born in the middle of winter during yet another wave of covid lockdowns, which definitely didn’t help. Having her brother in late spring when it’s warm outside feels like cheating in comparison.

To take advantage of the beautiful weather and of my husband’s extended parental leave, we went on our first RV trip to Italy with our little guy when he was barely 2 months old. At times, staying on 150 square feet with two kids and a dog felt like living in a pressure cooker, at other times I was more relaxed than ever in my whole life. Maybe it was the letting go of any expectations I had of what I’m going to do and see that made me fully appreciate these precious moments of peace and quiet, dancing with my daughter at the mini disco, watching my baby boy’s first toothless smiles, paddleboarding at the sunset, or morning yoga by the lake.

Funnily enough, I hardly ever had time for morning yoga when we were just traveling with my daughter. I felt like I couldn’t afford to, like I’d better stayed in bed to recharge because I was so tired, and save my energy for when I need it the most. This time I held onto my practice like my life depended on it, because in a way it did. Without this time to myself I would have been way less patient when my kids inevitably got upset, and way less capable of having a good time with them on this whole trip.

The first three months of a new baby’s life are often called the fourth trimester. Human babies come out undercooked compared with our primate cousins, their brains and guts not developed enough to function well. Our fourth trimester ended just as we were wrapping up our 3-week-long trip, and it made me want to double down on figuring out our new life as a family. Everyone knows you can’t be expected to do anything when you just had a new baby, and you’d better get back on your feet at some point, but when exactly is that supposed to happen? Life is always full when you have little children, there’s no hoping things will settle down a bit before you take on something new.

The final stretch of pregnancy, the first weeks with a new baby, and especially the few weeks of travel, it all feels like a temporary situation that will soon pass. I didn’t bother to cook for this time, I was busy just getting by. But eventually how much longer should I wait before I establish the life I want to live? If anything, it will only get harder when my baby boy grows up and begins to crawl, run, and put everything he can in his mouth. If I want to build good habits that will carry me through his infancy and toddlerhood, the best time to do it is now.

And guess what? When I asked myself who I want to be and how I want my daily life to look like, writing here came up pretty high on my list, right after cooking healthy meals, working with a personal trainer, and establishing a sleep routine.

So, welcome back everyone. I’m not quite sure yet where I will find the time and space to write here, but that’s my job for the next few weeks to figure it out.