The Permission to Take It Easy

Today was one of these days where nothing goes as planned. My baby girl woke up at night and wouldn’t go back to sleep. She probably had bad dreams of some sorts. We only fell asleep again in the wee morning hours and woke up way too late for everything. I took her to the daycare as fast as I could, so fast I left my phone at home as I did it. Driving late to the yoga class my car refused to start at the traffic lights until they turned red again. I parked it half an inch away from a concrete column and then immediately lost my parking ticket.

Even after yoga I was still too shaken up to get out of the parking situation I found myself in. My husband had to come and drive our car out of the garage, making a hole in the wall as he was backing off. By the time I came back home it was already 1pm, the whole house was a mess, and all I could think of was “there’s just no way I can write anything half-decent today”.

And so I didn’t. I spend the rest of my afternoon tidying up, playing my guitar, singing, and walking the dog. Anything to get me out of my head and back into the body again.

In theory I know that none of this was really a big deal. My family is healthy, our car came out of this unscratched, and at no point anyone was in any kind of danger. If I told someone this was the reason I haven’t fulfilled some of my commitments, they’d probably say I’m exaggerating. Why don’t you just stop making excuses and get down to work?

But I just had this crazy idea that maybe I can give myself permission to take it easy today for no reason at all. Like, really chill and easy, with no strings attached.

In the past my idea of taking it easy was making sure I’ll make up for it as soon as I could. This kind of taking it easy actually made me even more stressed, because I knew all the stuff on my todo list would only keep piling up.

So now my plan is to log off, and see how it’s like to do the other kind. Everyone please wish me luck.