Raising a Kid Is All About Letting Her Go

When does a baby stop being a baby? My best guess is that whenever she says “mom, I’m not a baby anymore!”. I’ve heard it enough times in the past week that I should probably come to terms with it. My sweet little baby girl is no longer a baby. I still can’t believe it happened so fast.

In very many ways she hasn’t been a baby for a long time already. She can count to 10 in both English and Polish, remembers almost the entire alphabet, and knows at least a dozen songs by heart. We can have a conversation on a wide range of topics, including her first joke about our dog singing along with the ambulance. Every morning she puts together an outfit, with a preference for bold colors and animals on her socks. She’s clear about what she wants and communicates it without hesitation.

In many other ways, she’s still a tiny baby. Despite the best efforts of our whole family, she’s not at all interested in exploring any alternative to diapers. She still needs help dressing up and prefers I feed her with a spoon whenever she has a chance. I weaned her months ago, but she still can’t let go of it, asking for the milk many times every day.

Whenever I see a newborn baby, I’m shocked by how tiny and helpless they are. I can’t believe my daughter used to be this tiny as well. The first time I held our newborn baby girl in my arms I already knew I would miss these moments one day. I just didn’t realize that it would happen so soon.

A part of me would love for her to stay a baby forever, to hold her forever in my arms and never let go. Could this be why she won’t let go of some aspects of her babyness? Whenever I behave like I still need her to remain my tiny baby, she’ll probably meet my expectations one way or another.

But ultimately raising a child is all about letting go, about saying goodbye to different versions of that kid even when we’d love to cherish them forever. My tiniest little baby is gone now, but in return I got a smart, sensitive, and adventurous kid, equal parts serious and fun, in love with life, the Moon, music, animals, and fire trucks. I can’t wait to find out who she’s gonna become in another two, five, ten, or twenty years from now. There is so much life there for both of us yet to discover.

My baby girl is ready to grow up and go conquer the world, but she’ll only do that when I show her that it’s okay to do so. If I can’t let go, if I still need her to remain my sweet little baby forever, one way or another she will.

Some day she’ll go on her first holiday camp all on her own. Some day she might say that she never asked to have been born at all. Some day she’ll make naive, silly, or outrageous choices that will make me feel worried about her. But if I want her to grow up and become a confident, powerful and self-driven woman I’ll have to let her do all of these things even when it breaks my heart. She can’t become who she needs to be and remain my baby forever. Step by step, one small thing after another, I’ll have to let her take responsibility.

For now, I’m thoroughly enjoying these moments with my only-just-stopped-being-a-baby wonderful little girl. I love how she’s beginning to play pretend and makes up roles for everyone in our family (I’m a bear by the way). I love her creative syntax, and her first song about the rain that she came up with all by herself. When she says “Mom, you are a baby! Ewa is a child now!”, I know she cares a lot about her newfound freedom. I already know I’m going to miss those moments too, and that it’s going to happen much sooner than I expect.