It's Not About Cooking or Cleaning, It's About Making Your Guests Feel Cared For

My daughter is turning two tomorrow. On this occasion there will be cake at her daycare, a family party at home the next day, and then another one for our friends and their kids in a coffee shop with indoor playground.

I’ve never organized a three-day party before. Even my own wedding was “only” two days. It feels excessive, until I remind myself how hard it is to meet anyone lately. Three of my college friends had kids in the same year as I did, and they’ve seen each other 3, 1, and 0 times respectively. If finally meeting Sylwia’s daughter and getting her to play with mine requires throwing a big party, so be it.

I’ve also never cooked for 10 people yet. When throwing parties at home, we’d usually offer salads and light snacks, and then order pizza if people were still hungry. I’m a little embarrassed I still haven’t learned this in my mid-30s, but my focus was always on something else. These days I’m trying to figure out day-to-day cooking and making sure the stuff in my pantry or fridge doesn’t go bad. Hosting a dinner like this seems like an entirely next level.

To make things even more complicated, there will be my brother who eats vegan, my dad who eats no salt, no sugar, and has all sorts of food sensitivities, husband’s mom who abstains from all sorts of carbs, his grandpa who has diabetes and is suspicious of any food he hasn’t known since childhood, and grandpa’s fiancée who considers herself the best cook in the world. It feels like the only thing that would meet everyone’s requirements is water with ice cubes. I’ve spent a whole week trying to figure out what I could possibly cook for them all and always came up empty.

Now that I have 2 days left for shopping, cleaning and preparation, a part of me slowly begins to panic. How could I possibly meet everyone’s expectations? Or rather, where do I draw the line and decide which things not to do? Is it possible to cook for this many people with such varied tastes while also keeping my house in an acceptable shape?

Only today I realized the panic isn’t really about cooking or cleaning. It’s about proving myself. I’ve spent a whole month trying to tidy my home and reading a homemaking bible, do I have anything to show for it? Have I learned anything? Did I waste a whole month? If the only thing I’ve done for a few weeks was writing this newsletter, could I honestly say this is enough?

Actually yes, I’ve written daily for more than 30 days already. This is indeed quite a big deal. I’ve lived for 34 years without most housekeeping skills, do I really expect myself to learn it all in a month? Does anyone else expect me to do that?

I have nothing to prove to anyone. All of these people know me, and they’re not coming here for my cooking or cleaning skills. They’re coming to meet my daughter, and to celebrate her special day together. A little mess or unimpressive food won’t prevent them from having fun.

What can I do to help everyone have an amazing time and make wonderful memories together?

Now that’s a much better question. Instead of thinking about all the things people can’t eat or do, I already know I’ll have to make lamb for my dad, hummus for my brother, chicken and bacon skewers for my husband, and sweet potato fries for the birthday girl herself. There’s no single thing that works for everyone, but every single person has something that delights them. As long as I keep these things in mind, we’ll be good.

After all, this is not about me or my homemaking skills. It’s about making everyone feel loved and cared for - each of them separately, and as a whole family together.