It's a Beautiful Kind of Chaos

“I always love coming to visit you. It’s awesome when other people come too, but otherwise it’s just a sweet and cozy family gathering”. My brother told me this after most of my birthday guests cancelled because of some winter sickness, and it was the best thing I could have possibly heard on that day.

I felt the same way about seeing him too. Even if everyone else cancels their plans I will always happily meet my brother - or ideally all 4 of them at the same time - so that we can joke around, try to answer some of life’s biggest questions, and sing in choir harmony together. This Christmas all but one of us are meeting at our parents’ home. It’s pure chaos, but it’s a beautiful kind of chaos.

Growing up together wasn’t always easy. We used to fight a lot, especially over the single computer we had in our family, or over household chores. But now that we’re all grownup and everyone lives on their own, there are few reasons to fight and plenty to celebrate and enjoy one another’s company.

Having just one daughter feels like a lot sometimes, and I can’t imagine how my parents raised a whole 5 of us. I have much more sympathy for the times they lost their patience in the past, knowing how demanding even a single kid can be. Still, I can’t imagine choosing to only have one child and depriving her of this kind of relationship. One day my husband and I will both be gone, and hopefully at that time our kids will at least have each other.

I know I am lucky to have a good relationship with all of my 4 brothers. Some of my friends have siblings who are either indifferent or even outright hostile. I don’t know how people end up one way or another - is this thanks to something our parents did, or our harmonious personalities? The more family stories I hear from people both young and old, the more I learn that good people with best intentions can end up hurting each other in so many different ways that are often very hard to predict.

There’s no guarantee my daughter will have a good relationship with her siblings when they’re older. But if we choose not to have any more kids, it would be absolutely certain that she would not have it. Knowing how much joy every single one of my brothers brings into my life, I just can’t imagine intentionally depriving her of that chance.