There is an old woman at my church, about 90. Her face is wrinkled and her movements are stiff. She is the wife of the priest who died last year, her partner of over 60 years.
We had a new younger couple visit, and when they met her they decided to stay. (Pearl, she goes by. Beautiful name.) She greeted them with a smile, and embraced them and kissed them on the cheek and called them "sweetie". She asked where they were from and told them they were welcome.
These are small things. They sound so ordinary. But she does them in such a holy way. You can feel the love radiate off of her. I'm sure her body hurts. I'm sure she will die in not so many more years. But she is focused on other people, not herself. She is not scared of death. She has a peaceful heart and is faithful to the Lord.
When my baby son was born, I brought him to her to meet and to kiss. There is no formal authority for a priest's widow to bless. But I can smell holiness when the scent is strong enough, and I want her blessing on my child.
Could we all be like this? Could we all achieve such a refreshing demeanor, gentle and loving? Is this what it looks like to have the Holy Spirit?
Christianity is a religion of the heart. And the church, properly conceived, is a factory for the production of beautiful souls. Good luck on finding your place, and becoming all that you could be.
What a beautiful soul this woman must be! I don’t know many elders that I aspire to be like as I grow up, but she certainly sounds like this kind of a person ❤️
I am rooting for you! I hope you find it and narrate the journey 🙏❤️😊
I share this desire. One of my callings is to cultivate this type of community. There is a form of “church” in my life that is in the mustard seed stage, where I seek out and I nurture connections with others who share my desire. It doesn’t look like much, and it certainly doesn’t conform to our ideas of church, with stained glass or even a building. But it is growing roots. And maybe someday it will be a tree that birds can perch in. May you find your perch!
Kim, I loved your creation story so much. A very similar version has been on my mind for a while now, with Adam and Eve leaving the safe paradise of their Mother's womb to venture out into the broader world. I'd love to chat about this with you some day. It feels like there's something here waiting to be discovered.
I have an idea of where you're supposed to be, but it may not be my place to say.
Suffice it to say I think you're headed in the right direction and speak for a lot of people right now!
In James 1:5 we read if any of you lack wisdom, ask of God. Pray to God in the name of Jesus Christ for the answer, cry out with boldness and ask God to lead you to this church. If there be a God then surely He will answer your faith. Be willing to go to the weirdest place, wherever He says to go. I'll keep you in my prayers. Hang onto hope in this! Christ lives! May we all soon find each other as disciples of Him.
Thank you Plasma! I've truly been to the weirdest places on this journey already, and I'm not afraid to go to even weirder places still, but something tells me what I'm looking for might be closer than I could have guessed. I'll keep you posted!
🗣️ Amen!!!!! A beautiful vision. I’m so so blessed to be part of a church like this, and I hope you find yours 💕 the church will always be imperfect until glory - but she is beloved, she is being made new all the time, and she is made of us.
Maria it sure looks like I will have to binge read all of your posts because we are on the same path at the same time. It is a painful process but your heart is the homing signal calling you to Christ. I discovered Lydia’s story in Acts 16 and that has birthed a lot in my life including the Substack about the journey. 🙏🏽💜
It's incredible, isn't it? It seems like so many people are suddenly wrestling with these things now at the same time. I don't think I've ever paid attention to Lydia, I'll make sure to check her story out ❤️
I am with you on this journey. Having experienced Easter three times in a beautiful, beautiful place, I’m willing to accept Him into my life. That also means to join a community but I’m not looking at becoming converted, I want to be welcomed as who I am. Is there a church that I’m looking for? Is it Him I’m looking for? Is it His love that I’m longing? Or just my own?
It's quite a paradox, isn't it? I am definitely open to being touched and changed, but only by someone who already accepts me as I am now and does not insist that the change happens in any particular shape or form. I want to belong, but as a whole being among other whole beings who respect one another's individuality. Is this too much to ask?
It's possible! I wish you luck. I am extremely grateful to have found a church that truly fits that hole in my life and my heart and soul. Frankly I doubt I would've converted to Christianity in the first place if I didn't.
Sadly many many churches out there... don't really fit the bill, for various reasons. But that's ok! God will reward your genuine seeking if you let Him. :)
I've found this version of Christ and I'm walking out the full embodiment of that Divinity from this day forward. This is exactly what I write about. Some call me an inspiration. Most call me a heretic. I'm ok with both. ❤️🔥
Hey, I've found a really deep resonance with Cynthia Bourgeault, and to a slightly lesser extent Thomas Keating - her maps on the imaginal realm, the trinity, and her interpretations of Christ and how his radically nondual teachings were misinterpreted more or less from the beginning all make a lot of sense to me, and speak to both my mind and heart...
Also have been really enjoying learning more Neoplatonism, and seeing how that informed Christian Neoplatonism, seems like a really coherent core version of Christianity with a bit less vulnerability to fundamentalism and stronger links to other philosophies and contemplative traditions.
Though these also may not quite be what you're looking for as they're not necessarily super kid/family-oriented versions of the Christian world... I dunno, I've got similar longings in that area (for some sort of wholesome, resonant Church that can ground family life and community) that I haven't figured out how to meet just yet
I resonate with this with every fibre of my being! And, what is this image? (Please say it's not AI!) It's so very beautiful, it feels like something I dreamed when I was a child... I have a book filled with sketches of a church I wanted to build when I was little, where the pillars were trees and the organic melded with the stained glass window and beautifully carved stone...
Thank you Sophie, glad to hear this resonates! I did make this image with AI, I tried to paint a forest church for many years now, but I'm not a very skilled painter. Now I finally have a tool to express what's been on my mind.
Well, I think this is doubly beautiful because what can be more beautiful than having your mind changed about something unexpectedly?! This is the first AI image I've come across that has driven home the idea that AI can be a tool at the service of human imagination, rather than something that degrades/dehumanises my sense of the artist's role. (Admittedly I haven't really been looking, because I had a natural inclination to be suspicious AI art.) Thank you for the beautiful piece, and for the beautiful art! It's wonderful following along your journey.
There is a community of called Ananda Sangha; you may find them unique in the way they worship Christ. Their way is of inner communion with Christ, with God, with Divine Mother..
I am! I go to a kinda standard, small, cozy little nondenominational church.
I don’t fit 🥲. But I can’t imagine going church searching again right now, so I’m just kind of doing my best to adjust my attitude 😅. (I’m tired, grandpa 🫠💜)
Just out of curiosity, why do you say "a version of Christianity" rather than "a religion"? What is specifically Christian about what you are looking for?
I could give a bunch of rational reasons for this: that it's the majority religion in our area, it's our cultural legacy which my kids will have to make sense of anyway, that this is how they'll bond with our family and their neighbors, that it aspires to be a universal religion uniting all people together. But ultimately none of this matters as much as... a strange longing of my heart, if that makes sense? I didn't want to get anywhere near the Christian God for the last 15 years, and now I do, and I'm probably more surprised by this than anyone.
Thanks for the context! I converted to Catholicism then deconverted from it; now my wife (who's atheist) wants us to baptize our baby so she can go to a nearby classical Montessori Catholic school that's a bit on the trad side of things. I have mixed thoughts and feelings about the matter. I have numerous intellectual and personal problems with Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular. But the books that have shaped me most deeply are the Bible, Till We Have Faces, and The Return of the Prodigal Son, and I'd like to pass on the cultural context that makes appreciating those possible. Politically and ethically I'm libertarian, which is the exact opposite of Catholic social teaching. But I find myself less opposed to it than the alternative in the Boston area, which is a self-righteous ideological veneer on relentless careerism.
There is an old woman at my church, about 90. Her face is wrinkled and her movements are stiff. She is the wife of the priest who died last year, her partner of over 60 years.
We had a new younger couple visit, and when they met her they decided to stay. (Pearl, she goes by. Beautiful name.) She greeted them with a smile, and embraced them and kissed them on the cheek and called them "sweetie". She asked where they were from and told them they were welcome.
These are small things. They sound so ordinary. But she does them in such a holy way. You can feel the love radiate off of her. I'm sure her body hurts. I'm sure she will die in not so many more years. But she is focused on other people, not herself. She is not scared of death. She has a peaceful heart and is faithful to the Lord.
When my baby son was born, I brought him to her to meet and to kiss. There is no formal authority for a priest's widow to bless. But I can smell holiness when the scent is strong enough, and I want her blessing on my child.
Could we all be like this? Could we all achieve such a refreshing demeanor, gentle and loving? Is this what it looks like to have the Holy Spirit?
Christianity is a religion of the heart. And the church, properly conceived, is a factory for the production of beautiful souls. Good luck on finding your place, and becoming all that you could be.
What a beautiful soul this woman must be! I don’t know many elders that I aspire to be like as I grow up, but she certainly sounds like this kind of a person ❤️
I am rooting for you! I hope you find it and narrate the journey 🙏❤️😊
I share this desire. One of my callings is to cultivate this type of community. There is a form of “church” in my life that is in the mustard seed stage, where I seek out and I nurture connections with others who share my desire. It doesn’t look like much, and it certainly doesn’t conform to our ideas of church, with stained glass or even a building. But it is growing roots. And maybe someday it will be a tree that birds can perch in. May you find your perch!
Kim, I loved your creation story so much. A very similar version has been on my mind for a while now, with Adam and Eve leaving the safe paradise of their Mother's womb to venture out into the broader world. I'd love to chat about this with you some day. It feels like there's something here waiting to be discovered.
I have an idea of where you're supposed to be, but it may not be my place to say.
Suffice it to say I think you're headed in the right direction and speak for a lot of people right now!
In James 1:5 we read if any of you lack wisdom, ask of God. Pray to God in the name of Jesus Christ for the answer, cry out with boldness and ask God to lead you to this church. If there be a God then surely He will answer your faith. Be willing to go to the weirdest place, wherever He says to go. I'll keep you in my prayers. Hang onto hope in this! Christ lives! May we all soon find each other as disciples of Him.
Thank you Plasma! I've truly been to the weirdest places on this journey already, and I'm not afraid to go to even weirder places still, but something tells me what I'm looking for might be closer than I could have guessed. I'll keep you posted!
🗣️ Amen!!!!! A beautiful vision. I’m so so blessed to be part of a church like this, and I hope you find yours 💕 the church will always be imperfect until glory - but she is beloved, she is being made new all the time, and she is made of us.
Maria it sure looks like I will have to binge read all of your posts because we are on the same path at the same time. It is a painful process but your heart is the homing signal calling you to Christ. I discovered Lydia’s story in Acts 16 and that has birthed a lot in my life including the Substack about the journey. 🙏🏽💜
It's incredible, isn't it? It seems like so many people are suddenly wrestling with these things now at the same time. I don't think I've ever paid attention to Lydia, I'll make sure to check her story out ❤️
Yes, yes, yes.
I am with you on this journey. Having experienced Easter three times in a beautiful, beautiful place, I’m willing to accept Him into my life. That also means to join a community but I’m not looking at becoming converted, I want to be welcomed as who I am. Is there a church that I’m looking for? Is it Him I’m looking for? Is it His love that I’m longing? Or just my own?
It's quite a paradox, isn't it? I am definitely open to being touched and changed, but only by someone who already accepts me as I am now and does not insist that the change happens in any particular shape or form. I want to belong, but as a whole being among other whole beings who respect one another's individuality. Is this too much to ask?
It's possible! I wish you luck. I am extremely grateful to have found a church that truly fits that hole in my life and my heart and soul. Frankly I doubt I would've converted to Christianity in the first place if I didn't.
Sadly many many churches out there... don't really fit the bill, for various reasons. But that's ok! God will reward your genuine seeking if you let Him. :)
The hope of this essay is so energizing! God willing this becomes a reality
I've found this version of Christ and I'm walking out the full embodiment of that Divinity from this day forward. This is exactly what I write about. Some call me an inspiration. Most call me a heretic. I'm ok with both. ❤️🔥
Hey, I've found a really deep resonance with Cynthia Bourgeault, and to a slightly lesser extent Thomas Keating - her maps on the imaginal realm, the trinity, and her interpretations of Christ and how his radically nondual teachings were misinterpreted more or less from the beginning all make a lot of sense to me, and speak to both my mind and heart...
Also have been really enjoying learning more Neoplatonism, and seeing how that informed Christian Neoplatonism, seems like a really coherent core version of Christianity with a bit less vulnerability to fundamentalism and stronger links to other philosophies and contemplative traditions.
Though these also may not quite be what you're looking for as they're not necessarily super kid/family-oriented versions of the Christian world... I dunno, I've got similar longings in that area (for some sort of wholesome, resonant Church that can ground family life and community) that I haven't figured out how to meet just yet
I resonate with this with every fibre of my being! And, what is this image? (Please say it's not AI!) It's so very beautiful, it feels like something I dreamed when I was a child... I have a book filled with sketches of a church I wanted to build when I was little, where the pillars were trees and the organic melded with the stained glass window and beautifully carved stone...
Thank you Sophie, glad to hear this resonates! I did make this image with AI, I tried to paint a forest church for many years now, but I'm not a very skilled painter. Now I finally have a tool to express what's been on my mind.
Well, I think this is doubly beautiful because what can be more beautiful than having your mind changed about something unexpectedly?! This is the first AI image I've come across that has driven home the idea that AI can be a tool at the service of human imagination, rather than something that degrades/dehumanises my sense of the artist's role. (Admittedly I haven't really been looking, because I had a natural inclination to be suspicious AI art.) Thank you for the beautiful piece, and for the beautiful art! It's wonderful following along your journey.
There is a community of called Ananda Sangha; you may find them unique in the way they worship Christ. Their way is of inner communion with Christ, with God, with Divine Mother..
https://youtu.be/GWoHPru2dZc?t=226
Lyrics
When human hopes toward Thee aspire,
Dark woods of grief are set afire!
Beyond all reach of earthly skill:
Thy love alone our hearts can fill.
Christ’s light that shone on earth from heaven
Opened for us the inner door.
To all who love, the gift is given:
Joy and freedom evermore!
You have described the exact desire of my heart, as well 😮💨❤️🩹
So good to hear I'm not the only one ❤️ Following you on Twitter I thought you were active in some local church, right? What kind of a church is that?
I am! I go to a kinda standard, small, cozy little nondenominational church.
I don’t fit 🥲. But I can’t imagine going church searching again right now, so I’m just kind of doing my best to adjust my attitude 😅. (I’m tired, grandpa 🫠💜)
Just out of curiosity, why do you say "a version of Christianity" rather than "a religion"? What is specifically Christian about what you are looking for?
I could give a bunch of rational reasons for this: that it's the majority religion in our area, it's our cultural legacy which my kids will have to make sense of anyway, that this is how they'll bond with our family and their neighbors, that it aspires to be a universal religion uniting all people together. But ultimately none of this matters as much as... a strange longing of my heart, if that makes sense? I didn't want to get anywhere near the Christian God for the last 15 years, and now I do, and I'm probably more surprised by this than anyone.
Thanks for the context! I converted to Catholicism then deconverted from it; now my wife (who's atheist) wants us to baptize our baby so she can go to a nearby classical Montessori Catholic school that's a bit on the trad side of things. I have mixed thoughts and feelings about the matter. I have numerous intellectual and personal problems with Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular. But the books that have shaped me most deeply are the Bible, Till We Have Faces, and The Return of the Prodigal Son, and I'd like to pass on the cultural context that makes appreciating those possible. Politically and ethically I'm libertarian, which is the exact opposite of Catholic social teaching. But I find myself less opposed to it than the alternative in the Boston area, which is a self-righteous ideological veneer on relentless careerism.
May God bless your search with a clear answer, just for you, wherever in the world you live.
I read down the list of your wishes--your needs, really-- and said yes, yes, yes. I have these, except no cathedrals.
God will provide for you.