Ignore Sleep and Rest at Your Peril

The winter break in our daycare ends today. My daughter and I spent the last two weeks together, first at my parents’ place, then at our own. Even though we were sick in the beginning we both had a wonderful time. We spent a lot of time cooking together, explored playgrounds and indoor playrooms, visited goats in our local culture center, bought a potted plant for her new room, met friends, went on long walks, and read a lot. For the last few days my baby girl was in an amazing mood, and meeting her bestie today made her even happier. I know she’ll love to see her again when they’re back in their daycare on Monday.

Writing this newsletter while spending all days with my daughter came at a cost of an orderly home and sleep. Even when she’s busy playing or watching YouTube, deep focus is pretty much impossible with her nearby. I did the bulk of my writing during her naps or late at night, and I can definitely feel it’s taken a toll on me. I knew this would be the case, and I still think it was a good decision, but I’m really looking forward to going to bed at a reasonable hour again.

It’s usually fine to stretch myself like this for a week or two. When I’m excited about what I’m doing, do it with amazing people, and get in the state of flow, I can even neglect sleep for a whole month or two. But then all the wellness debt demands to be paid, and suddenly nothing is fine anymore and I either break down in tears or get very sick for no reason at all.

Every single decision comes with a tradeoff. If I spend so much time writing that I can’t tidy up, the mess will make it hard to focus again or find anything I need. If I stay late at night to catch up, I will be too grumpy to gracefully handle my daughter’s moods. And if I optimize my day to the very last minute so that I can complete as many things in a day as I possibly can, there won’t be any room just to be with my daughter and hold space for her feelings or find out about her needs.

My husband says there’s no shame in taking a break. I’m sure there isn’t, but some of my closest family were recently so critical of me writing a newsletter instead of getting a real job that I too began to question why am I even doing it. I was worried that if I take a break now I would never return to writing here again.

But now I made it till the end of this week, and it’s already late at night, so I better stop here and return after getting some proper rest. My daughter and the rest of my family will surely appreciate it.

In the meantime, if you’ve made it this far and enjoyed reading my newsletter, please do leave a comment and let me know what you found most interesting or surprising so far. I know there are good reasons for me to keep writing this, and I’d love to hear some of these myself.