If It Wasn't for This War, I Wouldn't Have Met My Friend

I was putting my daughter to bed one night when our dog started jumping around like crazy. She had diarrhoea on the previous day, and I worried we might need to go on a walk fast. It was already past 10pm and my husband was out with his friends. I began to think what options we had. Should I drag a half-asleep kid out of bed and dress her in winter gear so that we go all together? Or maybe wait until she’s fully asleep and leave her alone for a few minutes? Should I call someone to help us? Who would that be?

The first person who came to my mind was a single mom living across the street. I had no doubts that if I called her, she’d be at my door in 5 minutes, ready to handle whatever my dog and kid might come up with. Out of all the people I know, she’d be the most likely and eager to help in this and other situations. This surprised me a bit as we’ve only known each other for less than a year - but maybe it shouldn’t, given the circumstances of how we first met.

I’ve first met Lilia when she arrived in Warsaw with two kids and a single suitcase after 3 days of travel. They were all exhausted and hardly spoke on that day at all. I don’t think they knew any Polish at that time anyway.

Lilia’s family came to Poland along with a few million Ukrainians after their country got under attack. Like her, most of them had no plan, little money, and nowhere to stay. Due to a weird set of events around our 90yo grandpa’s complicated love life, we ended up with a one-year lease on a studio that he no longer lived in. Husband and I agreed we might as well invite a Ukrainian family to live there instead.

At first Lilia asked me where to find all sorts of things. But soon it turned out she’s much better at this than I was. In a week she had a job, a school for her daughter, a preschool for her son, an oncologist for much needed checkups, and all the paperwork required for child allowance. All without knowing the language or local laws.

Then eventually our one-year lease came to an end, and I wondered how she’s gonna make it on her own. But in the meantime she found a boyfriend, whose cousin just so happened to have an apartment for rent right across the street from mine. Out of all the neighbors I’ve had since we moved in here 5 years ago, she’s actually the first one I got to visit more than once. Our kids love playing together, her son recently called my girl his “little baby sister” which made my heart melt.

Lilia’s life is very different than mine. When the war started she had to quit her office job and start cleaning people’s houses to make ends meet. She asked me recently if she can clean my own house too because she really needs the money. It feels weird to hire my own friend to clean after me, but I know that if there’s anything I can do to help her right now, it’s this.

But ultimately, I don’t feel like I’ve helped her any more than she’s helping me. We’re just two moms supporting each other through whatever means we can, knowing that if the roles were reversed the other one would do exactly the same. I hate it that it took a war for us to meet, but if we can’t stop the war, we can at least be there for each other day by day.