Do Babies Belong at Funerals?

My daughter was the only kid at the funeral yesterday. Even though the millennials in my family don’t have nearly as many children as their parents and grandparents had, there were still at least a few kids who might have come there too. Some of their parents didn’t want them to miss school, some didn’t want to chase unruly toddlers all around the church, some were worried they’d get sick in the freezing cold cemetery.

I fully understand all these reasons, and have nothing but respect for their parents’ decision. I too would rather avoid yet another seasonal sickness if possible. Still, despite the cold, inconvenience, and boredom, I had no doubt that I want to bring my two-year-old to the funeral. There are at least a few good reasons why.

She’ll get to meet our extended family. It’s unlikely she’ll remember any of them of course. But I want my aunts, uncles and cousins to be a part of her life too, and maybe talking to them now will inspire us to get together soon again. And even if it doesn’t, now that we meet mostly on weddings and funerals how could I deprive everyone of this one chance to know her?

She’ll bring everyone joy and hope. You can never have enough joy and hope on an occasion like this. Just by being effortlessly joyful and adorable she brought smiles on everyone’s faces at a time when they certainly could use a smile. Little kids really have a skill for doing this.

She’ll learn calm and patience. A 40-minute church service isn’t exactly my daughter’s idea of fun, but she really rose to the occasion and remained calm and serious for the whole time. Some people told me afterwards they were pretty impressed. And so am I, but this isn’t the first time this girl has proven capable of behaving well when the situation called for it. She’s a smart girl. She can tell.

She’ll learn about life and death. Not this time, and maybe not the next time. But eventually she will. Right now she’s too young to understand, but one day she’ll have to come to terms with how we all come to this planet and go. And the sooner she starts getting used to this fact, the more natural it will feel.

She’ll witness people being real. My daughter is highly sensitive like I am, picking up everyone’s emotions out of thin air. I want her to know that being sad is a normal part of life that happens to adults too, that it’s okay to feel sad, and that sharing this sadness with others makes it easier to bear.

She’ll hang out with all the other kids. Again, not this time. But if more people bring their babies to the next funeral, maybe she will. If there’s anything better at bringing smile to people’s faces than an adorable kid, it’s a bunch of adorable kids who never knew each other before now running around together.